To Mia & Sofia...

 

To Mia & Sofia to Read When... 

Your Heart gets Broken for the First Time

 

The time will come when that special boy will break your heart. It’s a part of life; it’s part of growing up—but you don’t want to hear that. Right now your world has stopped and it feels like someone ripped open your chest and danced around on top of your heart with football cleats. Your chest hurts, your head hurts from crying and you can’t eat. 

Every song you hear reminds you of him and it seems that everywhere you turn you see a couple holding hands and laughing without a care in the world.

 You question whether you were good enough or pretty enough to be with him in the first place.

 You will never love anyone like you loved him.

 You will never recover.

 No one understands your pain…

 But I do.

The first time I ever had my heart broken was by my very first boyfriend in high school. His name was Dinky (yes, go ahead and snicker). He was the first boy I ever held hands with and the first boy I ever kissed. At 15, I had my whole life planned out: We’d graduate high school together, go to the same college, get jobs in the same city, have a dream wedding, raise a family in a big house with two dogs…(You get the picture). Anyway, I had it all planned out at 15. Unfortunately, his plans didn’t match mine.

There was a dance coming up and he told me that the dance was going to be boring and that he wasn’t going to go. So I decided to also skip the event and stay home with my family. A few hours into the evening, my phone rang and it was one of my best friends calling me to tell me that Dinky was slow dancing with some 9^th grade skank named, Veronica Galvan. She wasn’t even cute! She was tall and lanky with buck teeth and bad hair. As I listened to my friend fill me in with the sordid details of his juvenile tryst, I felt my heart slowing slipping into the pit of my stomach. The tears that I tried to fight back started to pour down my cheeks- slowly at first, then uncontrollably the next minute. I started to shake and told her to tell him that he was….(ok, I feel like a dork)… I told her to tell him that he was a gigolo. If you don’t know, a gigolo is a male prostitute- a man that sells his body for money. Yes, that is all I could think of at the moment and plus, I didn’t cuss back then! So gigolo seemed quite appropriate for the moment.

I ended up showing up at the dance and confronted him. He didn’t deny anything and acted like what we had was nothing. I gave a good three months of my life to this boy and my feelings were irrelevant! I guess that was the worst part for me- Dinky acting like I was invisible. I stood there like an idiot as he continued to slow dance with her to the beat of Wham’s “Careless Whisper”. And yes, he did end up leaving with that Veronica Galvan. Apparently, she was giving him something that I wasn’t ready to give up just yet.

After that, I was convinced I’d never love again; that I’d never find someone who’d care for me like he did. I was never going to recover. I would forever carry this heavy heart doomed to walk the earth alone for eternity.

But…(and you know how I hate to be wrong)…it did get better.

Your heart and your soul may be hurting more than ever right now. (That’s why they call ‘em crushes. If they were easy, they’d be called something else.) But you know what?  Everyday, a little bit of that pain will go away and before you know it, it’ll be gone. You’ll move on and you’ll be a better person because of it. If he wasn’t able to see all the special qualities that you have, then he doesn’t deserve you.

As a mom, I want to protect you from anything and everything that would ever hurt you. I want it to be as easy as it was when you were five years old and I’d kiss your boo-boo and make it go away. But it’s not as easy this time around. I know this is a time that no matter what I do or say, it’s not going to make that hole in your heart go away. You just want me to stop talking, shut your bedroom door so you can scream into your pillow while thinking of ways to make his life a living hell and…at the same time…figure out how you can get him back. As demented and crazy as that sounds- I get it.

Know that I’ve been there, I understand, and I love you.

And when you feel like opening that door up just a little to let me in…

I’ll be there.