The Thong

I have to admit... when the thong became THE item to have, I was a little resistant. I mean, how comfortable could a piece of material rubbing between your buttcheeks be?

Don't get me wrong. I like sexy underwear. They say wearing sexy panties underneath your work clothes can make you feel sensuous...like a naughty vixen underneath the conservative outer wear. But honestly, if I'm sitting at my desk trying to pull a piece of lace out of my labia, then it aint' happening. Plus, after having two children, I'd rather not look at myself wearing a piece of silk with dental floss attached. The tummy and booty aren't what they used to be- especially when the tiny little straps dig into my fleshy hips and the butt floss is wedged so far up, I get a rope burn on my brown star; just NOT a pretty picture. And you gotta make sure that you're waxed and smoother than a baby's bottom down there if you're going to attempt to wear a next-to-nothing-made-for-a-porno thong; there's nothing worse than looking like you're hiding a Furby in your undies (doesn't do anything for the look you're trying to pull off). It doesn't help either when your 5 year-old goes, "Ewwww" when she walks in on you changing into your thong. My 9 year-old is more inquisitive, "Mom, are you missing a part of your panties? Am I going to have to wear those when I'm older? Do all mommies wear those? How about my teachers?"

But...I do buy thongs; pretty, breathable smart thongs. I buy thongs for the reason they were intended- to avoid any pantylines. I like to be comfortable. Normally, I prefer the Jockey bikini panties. No, they aren't the high-waisted,Little House on the Prarie, grandma briefs that you're thinking of. They're the cute, cotton panties that are a tad more flattering.

Would my husband love for me to walk around the house with nothing but a thong 24/7?

Of course.

But..really? Who does that??

Here are a few things that irk me about the thong:

- When ladies/girls wear low waisted jeans so that their thongs show on purpose

- When 400 lb ladies/girls wear low waisted jeans so that their thongs show on purpose

- When you put on a fresh, clean thong and then have to take a shit

- When the material in the front isn't enough to cover the tummy bulge

- When you try your thong on and you look nothing like the models who wear 'em

Another thing that bugs me: when I walk into Victoria's Secret and I see 13 year-olds' buying thongs. What the hell? They barely have hair 1 on their "cha-cha" and they're going through the bins of thongs with careful precision like they have someone to impress. Scary...

If it isn't bad enough...

Then Sisqo goes and makes a song about it..

"...Baby make your booty go da na da na

Girl I know you wanna show da na da na
That thong th thong thong thong..."

As much as I complain about the thong, I'm also thankful for it. (And also maybe a little jealous that I can't walk down the runway like a Victoria's Angel with the perfect little butt and not a stretchmark in sight.)

Long Live the Thong....