* Written when my oldest was about to start Kindergarten
“So Mia, what did you learn in preschool today?”
She looks at me after much contemplation, “Nothing.”
What-did-you-learn-in-school-today was considered rhetorical and meant completely nothing before I learned to ask direct questions of my little one.
“Ok, Mia, what’s the letter of the week?”
She looks at me with an air of annoyance. “The letter of the week is B.”
She goes back to playing Dora the Explorer, The Hunt for Pirate Pig’s Treasure on her Gameboy Advance. This child, who can complete every level of this electronic game with her eyes closed while simultaneously eating Chicken McNuggets with the other hand with such precision and ease cannot supply me with a simple overview of this week’s preschool curriculum.
So, I continue…
“Well, what things begin with the letter B?”
She hastily pushes the pause button on her game system and rolls her eyes..
“Butterfly, Boy, Brown, Bee..”
I smile and nod with approval.
And suddenly she becomes interested and continues…
“And you know mom, if you turn the letter B upside down, it looks like a butt.”
I close my eyes. I will never look at the letter B the same way again. But I do give my child credit for being imaginative and thinking outside the box.
“Yes, Mia, it does,” I respond. The wheels in my head start turning. Maybe my first born has an eye for abstract art! Hold on a minute...could she be the next female Pablo Picasso? Maybe we do have this genius child with an eye for grasping symbolism and translating complex pieces of art! She can see so much more than the average eye!
“And mommy,.” she continues, “boobies also start with the letter B.” My bubble bursts and my dream of her studying abroad and attending her first European gallery opening fizzle away. I stop wondering where I placed my passport.
“Yes, boobies do start with the letter B but we don’t want to use that word in school.”
“Can I say breasts?”
“No!”
“Ok.”
** silence**
"...and you know...if you turn the letter B upside down and put circles on it, it looks like boobies.."
She goes back to her Gameboy to hunt for Pirate Pig’s Treasure.
I sit motionless.
It’s interesting to me, how apparently bored she is with my interrogation. She is so done with preschool. Kindergarten starts next week for her and her Disney Princess backpack with matching lunchbox is ready to go! (She practices wearing it around the house). She is counting down the days excitedly. As for me, well…that’s another story…
I’m just a potpourri of “mommy emotions”. I’m glad, I’m sad, I’m happy, I’m worried. I want to hold her hand all through her first day of school. I want to be there at lunch time and cut her sandwich into ¼’s the way she likes it, open her pudding pack so she doesn’t splatter it all over her uniform and wipe away her milk moustache after every sip. I want to be there when she swings on the monkey bars during recess. I want to be there to make sure she’s not the last one picked when they’re choosing teams.
I want to protect her.
I want to hold her and never let her grow up.
It hurts…a lot.
Reality tells me to get a grip. I tell myself to knock it off. She is not going away to prison. It’s Kindergarten, for pete’s sake! She is going to be in a loving atmosphere receiving a great education with other little girls and boys. She’ll be fine. She won’t even be thinking about you…
It’s heart wrenching to see my child start this new chapter in her life. Maybe it’s because it’s a sign that I’m getting older. Or maybe it’s because I’m an ounce less “needed” than a year ago. Before I had kids, I always told myself that I wouldn’t be “one of them”. Those SUV driving, latte drinking mothers that won’t let go…and that is exactly what I’ve become.
I’ve got the tissue and smelling salts ready for Monday. The 1st day of Kindergarten is going to be rough- but I’ll get through it with a little help from friends, family, and anything made with caffeine and covered in chocolate. Oh yeah… and I’m sure Mia will be ok, too J
No comments:
Post a Comment