Platform Flip Flops

Maybe it's me. Maybe it's a sign of getting older. Maybe when you hit motherhood, cells automatically form that give you an acute sense of fashion...

An open letter to all the women out there who think that platform flips flops are the shit.

Nothing ruins a cute summer outfit than a pair of ugly ass platform flip flops. You know which ones I'm talking about, the thick-3inch-sole flips flops ...Ew.

I'm not sure who thought it would be cute to design a flip flop such as this? I believe the first pair that I saw over 4 YEARS AGO were made by Steve Madden. And women are fooled to think that just because Steve Madden came out with it, it's stylish, hip and cool. Don't get me wrong, I love Steve Madden. But there is some shit that he comes out with that makes you wonder what the hell he was smoking when he sent these awful mounds of rubber into mass production. Before long the shoes end up on the shelves of Marshall's and Ross where they lay to rest before they're donated to the orphan children of Tijuana, Mexico. (And even they won't wear 'em).

Oh but wait, you can purchase them in a rainbow of colors from daisy yellow to trailer park white. Trailer park white is the best because then you can see how dirty your feet constantly are by the brown imprint it makes inside the flip flop as well as on the outside. 

Oh hold on.. it's not just the flip flop, it's the ugly, dirty feet that go inside them that make them "oh so attractive".Nothing  screams "white trash" more than a woman wearing these horrible flip flops with jacked up toes , chipped nail polish with the visible dirt resting behind the yellowish toe nails.

Why does this bug me so much?

I don't know. I think I have pretty good taste in the shoe arena.I admit, I'm a shoe whore. And to see such a horrible accessory screw up a cute outfit is such an outrage.

So ladies, go to your closet, your sister's closet, your friend's closet and even your mom's closet and start a bonfire with these monstrosities.

And really, ladies.. take a poll. I did. Men don't like 'em either. If your man says he does, he's lying and just wants you to break him off some. 

Open a new chapter in your life and go buy your self a decent pair of flip flops (Old Navy 2 for $5).

You'll really thank me for this later....