I think about the most insane things and find comedy in the minutiae of every day life.
Like a few days ago...
In our office, the bathrooms are out in the hallway and we share the facilities with all the other offices on the 4th floor. It's a pretty intimate atmosphere in the ladies room. There are only four stalls and everything echoes... everything.
That's why, when nature calls and I gotta "back the big brown motorhome out of the garage", I take the elevator down to the 1st floor where usually no one uses the restrooms. My code for this is "2-on-1". (Thank you to Cindy Dias for sharing the code).
On this particular day though, I had company. As I was sitting in the stall, trying to take care of business, another woman walks in. And out of all the eight empty stalls she decides she is going to take the stall right next to mine.
I hate that.
I start to contemplate whether I should just finish up or wait. I hate to be rushed. She probably just came in to go pee. So, I decided to hold it all in until after she left.
But..
She didn't leave.
She had the same intention I had.
She was doing a 2-on-1.
She started to tap her foot. She wasn't leaving anytime soon.
It was a Poo Stand-off.
I wasn't about to give in.
I started to whistle.
She started to hum.
I refused to lose this battle. I would not go down without a fight.
I could feel her smirking on the other side.
Who did she think she was?! I was here first!
I started to play solitaire on my phone.
Then... I heard it....
The burst of a fart, a splash and the unraveling of toilet paper.
Hahahahahahahahaha (that's my evil queen laugh).
She quickly gathered her belongings and left the ladies room as I proudly did the cabbage patch dance while still sitting on the toilet.
Was there a point to this story?
Not really. It was just one of the little annoyances in life that I'm pretty open about.
Now you will never visit another ladies room again without thinking of me and my
Poo Stand-off.
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