“Lee Lee Can’t Go to School Today”

 

So , it’s 8pm on a Saturday and I’m in the loft of my house watching an addicting Lifetime channel. You know the ones I’m talking about- the shows that suck you in after watching two minutes of it and then when it cuts to commercials, they run a preview of the next Lifetime T.V. movie (usually starring Valerie Bertinelli or Judith Light) to play right after the one you’re currently watching. And the shows all have cheesy titles: My Lover, My Son or  A Father for Brittney or the ever so popular Bastard Out of California. I confess, I am one of the millions of women who get sucked into these programs. It’s like crack. I’ll even hold my pee just so I don’t miss the good parts! Thank God for TiVo.  

 

My 9 year old, Mia is sitting with me and a commercial comes on. The screen opens up to a small African village with a sad girl sitting outside a hut. The male voiceover has a serious, yet sad tone:

 

“This is Lee Lee. She can’t go to school today because she has her PERIOD..” (extra emphasis on the PERIOD).

 

It was a sanitary pad commercial for the Always company with their charity initiative in Africa. Part of the proceeds from the purchase of any Always product will go to helping women in African with their sanitary needs.

 

Mia looks at me with her eyebrow raised, “What’s a period?”

 

Ugh. THE question. How am I going to handle this? Do I tell her the truth? Do I dance around the question? Do I fake a coughing fit and leave the room?

 

Damn that Lee Lee!

 

"Well, honey- having your period is a part of womanhood. All females, even animals get it. As your body matures, you will bleed once a month.Girls can start as early as 10 years old. But all this is necessary as you get older in order to have babies. It’s nothing to be ashamed of- it’s a part of life. It's a part of being a woman."

She looked at me like she had just witnessed me skin a cat.

"Are you serious?!" she asks.

"Yes"

"Well, where will I bleed from?"

"Your vagina."

At this point, she looks as though she was going to faint. I continue to keep a straight face as she is thoroughly disgusted.

"THAT IS GROSS. How do you stop it from getting everywhere?"

"Well, honey..pads or tampons. They both are made out absorbent material, such as cotton, that comes in various sizes that fit snugly in or outside the vagina to absorb the flow. And you have to change it every few hours"

I felt like I was in the middle of a really, awkward after school special.It was killing me to be so "technical".

"So... is that what you do?" she asks.

"Yes"

"At work?!"

"Yes"

"At your desk?!"

"Uh, no honey..i leave my desk to go to the bathroom."

**Silence**

"Oh boy..I can't wait to go to school and tell Jade!"

I patiently discuss that the conversation needed to stay under our roof and that there might be girls at school who's parents don't think they're ready to hear about periods. She understood and that was the end of the "talk".

Mia became pretty comfortable discussing this in the open with me. It actually started to make ME uncomfortable. I was in the bathroom one day and she knocks on my door. In our house we never lock our bathroom doors, normally everyone does their business with the doors wide open. But on this particular day, I just happened to close the door...

Mia knocks.

"Yes?" 

"What are you doing?" Mia asks

"Going pee"

"Are you sure you aren't putting one of those tampons in your butt again?!"

I locked the door and vowed that i wouldn't come out until she was 40.

I have an amazing relationship with my two girls and they've both inherited my sense of humor and sarcasm. I'm not perfect and maybe our "talk" wasn't ideal..but what I do know is that she knows that she can discuss anything with me regardless of the topic and we'll always find humor to navigate our way through.

It's been a few months now and I think she's over the shock of it all (as am I). I click on the T.V. and get comfortable to watch my Tivo'd Lipstick Jungle episode. I turn to hear footsteps and it's my 5 year old, Sofia.

"Mommy...what's a period?

"Miaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"