Sexy Mother Packer

I confess.

I'm a serial over packer.

I will take EVERYTHING I can and pack it... 'JUST IN CASE'.


That's my excuse everytime..

Charlie: Why are you packing shampoo? They have it at the hotel.
Me: Just in case

Charlie: You're bringing a blow dryer, too?
Me: Just in case
Charlie: And... 10 pairs of panties?
Me: Just in case
Charlie: Do you really think you need all those shoes? We are only going to be gone for the weekend!
Me: Just in case
Charlie: And...the fur-lined parka & snowboots?? It's Arizona and 100 degrees outside...
Me: Just in case!

I can't help it. I like to be prepared!

My husband's mantra is, "...just buy it when you get there.."
He can fit a whole year's wardrobe into a Nike carry-on bag and be fine with it.
Me, on the otherhand, need a forklift to help me hoist all the heavy luggage for a weekend trip to San Diego.

It's gotten even worse now that I have kids...

Charlie: Why are you packing 6 toothbrushes? We only have 2 kids.
Me: Just in case
Charlie: Do you really think they need 3 pairs of pajamas and all this underwear?
Me: *sigh* Just in case!
Charlie: We are only going to be gone for 2 days. What's with the sweaters, ski masks and 5 pairs of jeans for each of them?!
Me: *roll my eyes*..Just in case
Charle: And stuffed animals, coloring books, a DVD player and the Barbie apartment/condo? Do they really need all this stuff?
Me: Just in case!!!

By the time I've packed everything but the kitchen sink, I've managed to load up 4 suitcases and 2 duffel bags. And I know, nine times out of ten, I really only use a quarter of what I brought. But, hey...I am always prepared! Why buy it when you have it at home? (Or in my case, in your suitcase?!)

What also changes when you become a mother is your handbag.

Oh, the lovely little handbag metamorphasizes into 5x's it's size when you have kids. You no longer have the cute little clutch..you now have the 'mom purse'..ouch!

I remember how cute my 'pre-mom' bag was..it was like yesterday...

It was the cutest little Louis Vuitton handbag with a matching coin purse and wallet. I loved that bag and the contents inside:

- Dior compact with rosy lip gloss
-Matching Louis Vuitton check book holder with pen
-Chanel blush
-Leather business card holder
-Cell phone neatly placed in the inside pocket
-Tiffany heart keyring with a few keys
-Concert tickets
-Brush
-Mint Gum
-Chanel perfume
-Dior sunglasses

And then.... it all changed after I shot my offspring out my birth cannon....
My cute little handbag turned into a monstrous, Mary Poppins, bottomless, pit of a purse overnight.

I now lug around the handbag from hell.

Let's take inventory, shall we?

- Dior compact w/ a broken mirror and smudged gloss
- Receipts
- Check book is now unbalanced and bent with pages folded over
- Receipts
- An unopened Capri Sun drink with a missing straw
- Receipts
- 3 different packs of gum with only one stick left in each pack
- Receipts
- A lollipop with crumbs and a paperclip stuck to it
- Receipts
- Movie ticket stubs from Hannah Montana
- Receipts
- Chuck E. Cheese tokens
- Receipts
- Cellphone with fingerprints and a sticker on the back
- Receipts
- Expired coupons
- Receipts

- A Polly Pocket shoe and skirt

- Receipts

- Polly Pocket's head (yes, just her head)

- Receipts
- Free panty coupon for Victoria's Secret that expired last Christmas
- Receipts

- Restaurant crayons with only 2 in the pack

- Receipts

- A rock

- Receipts

- A broken hair clip

- Receipts

- High School Musical lip gloss w/ Corbin Bleu scratched off because he's 'ugly'

- Receipts
- Recipe that I ripped out of a magazine at the dentist's office..last year
- Tampons
- Receipts
- Advil
- Receipts
- Camera to record all the kids' special moments (as soon as I erase the full memory stick)
- Receipts
- Hand sanitizer stuck to an appointment card for my gynecologist (that I forgot about)
- Receipts
- 3 packs of Spongebob Fruit snacks

I find it quite humorous as I take inventory. Wow..has my life changed. But I savor every minute of it.

And yet... it's kinda sad.

I know that before long, my babies will be all grown up and my huge, monstrous purse will slowing change back into the small handbag it once was... but for now, I will continue to immerse myself into the joys of motherhood...and hang on to the Chuck E. Cheese tokens...

JUST IN CASE :)

The Ghosts of Boyfriends Past...

"Maybe the past is like an anchor holding us back. Maybe... you have to let go of who you were to become who you will be...." Carrie Bradshaw, Sex in the City


Boyfriends.
Do I have any regrets about my past or who I've dated?
Absolutely not.

Do I sometimes question the decisions I've made when it came to the colorful personalities that I've have shared my life with?
Absolutely.

I know that God brings people in and out of our lives for a reason. And I've taken away so much from each relationship. I have learned a lot about myself and about life from each and every one of them. Although I don't mention every single guy I've dated in this blog (please don't take offense), you've all made an impact on my in some way, shape or form. I've learned how much my soul can tolerate and how much my heart can forgive.

To all the Ghosts of Boyfriends Past, I'd like to thank you...

D.R.: You were my very first boyfriend in 8th grade. You were the first to hold my hand and you were my first kiss. In junior high, when I was going through my 'ugly duckling' stage, you thought I was cute and it really boosted my self confidence that a popular boy like you found a goofy, clumsy girl like me attractive. But then you decided to 'cheat' on me with Veronica because she let you feel her boobies and go down her Jordache jeans. I was crushed. But I want to thank you. Thank you for bringing out the stronger side of me at such an early age. It felt good to know that I could make wise decisions and stand up for myself and not give in the pressures of intimacy at such an early age.


E.A.: We were together for 2 whole weeks in junior high. That's equivalent to a year in real life ;) You had the best handwriting, you were smart, funny and brought out the intellectual side of me. Thank you for helping me overcome my fear of revealing the "smart " side of myself instead of hiding it for fear of being classified as a nerd. I still have the love notes you sent me and will always cherish them. And now you're in heaven, your life taken too early. Miss you lots, Eddie.

D.S.: You were my first car date. You were the first one my mom let me stay out with until 10 p.m. You respected me and you never tried anything inappropriate. You were on the baseball team and had your head on straight. You had the Suzuki Samurai that screamed 'chick magnet'. You gave me all your attention and I think I took advantage of that. I want to apologize for being such a spoiled brat to you in high school. I want to apologize for breaking up with you and believeing your "friend" who told me that you were seeing other people behind my back when you really weren't. I didn't realize he had other motives. I will forever carry around the guilt and I am truly sorry. I know that you and I remained friends afterwards but I don't remember why we grew apart- it was probably my fault. But I want to Thank you. Thank you for showing me that guys in high school can still be gentlemen and loving without expectation of a physical nature. Thank you for bringing out the laughter in me.

B.G.: I had a crush on you in 11th grade, but we technically never dated. You were a baseball player, cute and always flirted with me and so I thought there was a chance for us. When i finally revealed my true feelings to you, you crushed me by telling me you had a girlfriend that attended a different school. WTF? You never, ever mentioned a girlfriend before. I felt like the biggest loser, And when things didn't pan out with her, you tried to get with me. But it was a little too late. THEN...I find out (22 years later) that you lied to me about my boyfriend (D.S.) cheating on me. You lied just to get me to break up with him. I don't think I will ever forgive you for that. I lost a very special person in my life because of you and I will always carry around the guilt for hurting him. Yet, still..I want to thank you. Thank you for keeping me grounded and bringing me to the realization that life isn't fair and that it goes on with or without me and my broken heart. A harsh reality to swallow at 16.

M.O.: Took you to my prom, dated for over a year and thought things were 'ok'. It was the 'football-player-meets-thug' swagger you had, that attracted me to you. Or maybe it was your cockiness that fascinated me. And there were some things that I thought I could change about you, and I tried. I thought that if could just change those 'little things', our relationship would be perfect. As I graduated, we grew apart...naturally. For the record, I never cheated on you. What I am guilty of, is knowing in my heart that it was over between us and not being upfront about it. Thank you for helping me learn that I cannot change anybody. I cannot 'fix' people or go into relationships thinking that this person will change for me. I either accept them for who they are or move on.

F.L.: When writing this blog, i told myself that I wasn't going to bash anyone. But with you, i will make an exception. I wish I could say one nice thing about you, but I can't. It's taking all I have in me not to mention your name. I don't know what i was thinking when I met you. Maybe it was the 'bad boy' image that created the excitement of being with you. I strayed from my norm and took a chance with you. Being an adult woman, i thought I knew what I was getting myself into. I thought I knew better. I never expected our relationship to be such an abortion. You tore away at my soul until there was nothing left of me. My spirit was drained and replaced with such negative energy and hurt. Your controlling ways brought out your demented world of insecurities and your physical abuse revealed the coward in you. You cheated, you lied and you blamed the world for your situation instead of looking within. I didn't like myself when i was with you. I actually loathed the person I saw in the mirror. I wasn't the happy, go-lucky girl that everyone knew. I had transformed into this sad, empty shell of a human being. I alienated my best friend and my family when I was involved with you. They couldn't bare to see what I was putting myself through for you. But I didn't listen. They loved me enough to let me follow my own path, but stayed right behind me to catch me when I fell. I didn't want to face the reality that they were right about you. I was your arm candy. That's all I was. Delusional, you were. But...I started to fight back, and you didn't like that. I started to place you in the backseat of my life, and you didn't like that. I started to regain my confidence to leave you, and you didn't like that. But-- I want to thank you. Yes, I want to thank you for testing my faith and my unwillingness to give up on myself and my future. I want to thank you for showing me that I was stronger than I thought I was and that I could fight my way back and become whole again. I want to thank you for forcing me to find my own wings and fly away. And...I also want you to know that I forgave you a long time ago. I knew I came to a crossroads in my life when I was able to forgive you and find closure. You need God, I hope you find Him one day, as I know you have a lot of free time in prison.


The Ghosts of Boyfriends Past will always remain a part of me. I wouldn't be the woman I am today making unusual efforts to succeed without the life experiences of Boyfriends Past.


No regrets. Just lessons.

Off to NYC!

It's been awhile since I've been on the road without without my kids..probably about 9 years ago when I used to work for a record label and it was a weekly occurrence. I've really settled into such a comfort zone with my daily routines and the monotony of daily life (which I love).
Leaving my kids behind for less than a week is excruciating. As I sit here in the airport I see kids pass by with their parents and the feeling of guilt overwhelms me. But I constantly gotta remind myself that what I am doing is for the better of my career which also affects our family. I gotta remind myself that I can be a strong, confident, successful woman in my career while also being a successful mother as well. It's not easy balancing motherhood and my career. But it IS do-able as long as my priorities stay straight and I keep family #1.

I'll probably blog about something funny later...like what people wear to the airport or the bags they carry..or maybe the Croc shoe invasion....

*Sigh*...is time to fly back home yet??

Dance with My Father

It seems like just yesterday that I danced with my father.

I remember when I was 5 years old and running to him the minute I'd hear a Freddy Fender song play and stand on his feet and grab his waist so that we could dance together. Before the Last Teardrop Falls, was one of our favorites and he would hold me as we danced together across the room...I never wanted the song to end. And the lyrics were fitting:

I'll be there anytime
You need me by your side
To drive away every teardop that you cried..


I share a lot of blessed memories with my father along with life long lessons:

- Dad taught me that that cleanliness is next to Godliness. I never had a hair out of place, a stain on my clothes or a scuff mark on my shoes. If he could carry me so that I wouldn't touch the dirty ground, he'd do it...even now, if I'd let him.

- Dad could do the laundry, wash all the cars, vacuum the entire house, dust and cook up lunch all before 12noon.

- Wrinkles were not allowed. My brother and I walked around in starched and pressed clothes. Our creases had creases! Dad was a slave to the iron (It had to be the Navy man in him)

- Dad knew I sucked at math and he was always patient with me. My math problems never made sense until he'd show me how to do it

- When it came to deadbeat boyfriends, he'd let me fall. He always trusted that I was smart enough to make my own decisions when it came to guys and in the end I'd always drop the zeros

- My dad was in the military, so there were many times where he'd have to go out to sea-- 9 months to a year at a time. I remember how he'd take the family out for a drive the night before he had to leave and we'd get ice cream and just enjoy driving around with him until the sun set

- I remember when the morning would come for dad to leave to the ship for Westpac and I'd cry uncontrollably after he'd leave. I never wanted him to see me cry because I didn't want to make him sad or have his last image of me in tears

- I remember the Grease soundtrack that my dad bought me. I played it so much that I wore the tape out and he ended up buying me another copy

- I always looked forward to the road trips we made to San Antonio, Texas in dad's brown Camaro

- Because Dad was a stickler on having a well manicured lawn, he never let us have a Slip-n-Slide. "It damages the grass!" he'd say

- I remember the purple bike he taught me to ride without training wheels. It was the coolest bike ever and I'm sure he was on the verge of having a coronary watching me fall constantly. I'm surprised i wasn't wrapped in bubble wrap from the first attempt

- If my brother or I got hurt, Dad would automatically get upset, "WHAT?! What NOW?!" He immediately went into panic mode

- One of the hardest days of my life was having to tell my father that his dad, my grandfather, had passed away

- Dad was the first person to ever introduce me to rap music! He had the vinyl record for The Sugar Hill Gang, Rapper's Delight. I loved the song so much, that to this day, I still remember every single lyric. (I'm a pretty big hit at karaoke bars)

- My dad always waited up for me when I went out with my girlfriends. I'd always bring him home a late night treat like a dessert or Mexican food and we'd stay up in the kitchen and just talk

- When my mother would cook liver and onions (a dish I despised) Dad would say, "Mmmm, hígado (Spanish for liver)..eat it! It'll put hair on your chest!"

- My dad is an obsessive compulsive when it comes to locked doors. He'll quadruple check the front door and garage door before he goes to sleep. He'd always tell me to keep my car door locked when I went out and made me prove it as I backed out of the driveway

- When I decided that it was good idea to "bleach" my brown hair in the 8th grade and it turned orange, he said I looked like an Aztec Indian. I scoffed..but now looking back at the pic- Yikes, it was horrible.

- My dad washed his hair with soap and always smelled good

- Dad could always bake up a mean Bundt cake and cheesecake

- My dad was a stickler when it came to time management. If my curfew was 12 midnight, he meant 12 midnight on the dot. Not 12:01, not 12:03. If I wasn't through the door at exactly 12 midnight, I would expect him sitting and waiting for me on the stairs with a clock in his hand asking me if I knew what time it was

- "Where's my change?" was his favorite line

- "Dad, do you have a couple a bucks?" was mine

- I remember when The Wonderful World of Disney would come on TV when I was little. I would grab a pillow and make myself comfy on dad's lap and we'd watch it together

- I'd always pretend that I was asleep in the car when we'd drive home late from somewhere and he'd end up having to pick me up and take me to my room

- My father was such a great husband to my mother. He loved her and I reveled in the affection he showed her

- When mom and I would get in a disagreement, I would run to him and he'd listen- even though he'd usually be in agreement with my mother, I still felt like he had my back

- Dad was the only one who could make me laugh until my sides hurt

- Even when I visit my father's house today, the flood of warm memories fill my soul as soon as I walk through his front door.

My father was and still is, the epitome of a great man. His love and inspiration have transformed me into the woman I am today. He taught me to never settle for second best and brought me up knowing that I could have anything I wanted with hard work. His encouraging words and unconditional love continue to resonate. Every chapter in my life from childhood to adulthood to marriage and children~I continue to look to him for guidance.

The last time I danced with my father, it was during my wedding. And like the Freddy Fender song, I didn't want it to end. Deep inside, I felt that once the song ended and he let go..that I'd have to move on and let go of him. But..I haven't...and never will.


If I could get another chance... Another walk, another dance with him I'd play a song that would never, ever end. How I'd love to dance with my father again....

Happy Father's Day, Dad... I love you.

Mom...

This picture sits in my office at work.

I can't help but smile when I look at it.

It has all the elements that make me happy: the wind, the beach, the white sand between my 4 year old toes...and my mother...

I look at this picture and I see a child with no worries in the world with a mother who constantly dotes over her with all her love and support; a father behind the camera who captures the moment on film knowing that one day his daughter will look back on this photo with heartfelt emotion and love.

I still hear the waves crashing in the background and the seagulls fluttering above.

I still smell her Oil of Olay cream and the scent of her flowery perfume. It's a perfect mixture with the fresh ocean air and warm sun.

Her warm hugs and infectious laughter still resonate within my soul.

The joy, the energy, the light in her eyes when she looked at me. I was her world.

The smiles...the happiness...the comfort of being a kid.

A blessed childhood.

A moment in time captured to remind me of the simplicity of life and what really matters: Family-Love-Togetherness

This photo captures the essence of who I am today: a mother, a wife, a daughter, a friend.

Time goes by so fast, I can hardly catch my breath.

I now create these memories with my little girls. I, now, the doting mommy with all the love and support to give.

In my daughters' eyes, I'm now the hero.

But...I still need her.... my mom...my hero...

If I could just hold my mother's hand and dig my four year old little toes into the white sand once again...

Stars...are they squishy or hard?

My five-year-old, Sofia has a great mind.

Her thoughts amaze me and really bring me back to the simplicity and wonderment of life. Let me share some of her most recent thoughts and comments:

- Sofia didn't want to participate in her school walk-a-thon because she thought it was a

walk-a-THONG and that everyone had to show up to the school track in a THONG

- She told me that she was thinking about the stars in the sky and wondering if they were "squishy or hard"

- She asked how soon she could get her hair cut into a "side bang"

- She recently asked her Godfather "who" he was wearing. He didn't quite understand until she pulled back his collar and and read the label. She then responded, "L.L. Bean?! I've never heard of it.."

- Sofia found a penny on the ground and said, "Look mommy, a penny from heaven! God is reminding me that He's thinking of me!"

- She claims to have voted for Obama

- I took her to The Gap to get her a few things and when I picked out a cute dress she said, "SERIOUSLY?" in her most serious tone ever

- She plans her birthday gift list 12 months in advance. She has the "Smooth Away" hair removal kit as well as the Bendaroos as #4 and #5 on her list (As Seen on TV is a fave of hers)

- Sofia told me that she heard a kid on the playground call another kid a bad word that started with an "A". I tried to guess, "Hmm, did he call him an ASS?" She rolled her eyes and said, "Worse! He called him an IDIOT". At that point I was confused and ended the conversation there

- She decided that she needed to leave the table at dinner and go poop. While we were all sitting & eating, she came out of the bathroom, spread her buttcheeks and asked if it was all gone. (She was proud of her wiping job)

- Sofia says she knows how babies get inside the tummies of mommies. God comes at night and takes a tiny egg out of his pocket and pushes it through the mommy's bellybutton into her stomach and it grows and grows until it's time to push it out of her butt

- She loves infomercials and can recite any commercial from the Sham-Wow to the Aqua Globes

- She believes that Santa watches us through all the vents in the house throughout the year

- She refers to any song that I sing to on the radio as "Old School"

- She dropped out of karate because she felt that it was incomprehensible that the sensei would make a 5 year old do push-ups

- Sofia believes that cotton candy is a good breakfast

Only through the eyes of a child do we remember how funny and wonderful life can be.

Thank you, Sofia for reminding mommy that even with all the daily stresses and challenges,

life is still beautiful and simple and fun...

I love you.

Mia Turned 10

Today my daughter turned 10.

It's a bittersweet moment for me. I'm excited that she's entered the double digits and has a lot to look forward to come her teenage years...and yet...my heart is heavy with the thoughts of yesterday...

Ten years ago at 9:43am and four hours of labor, she entered this world- all 7lbs 12oz. of her. Like any new mother, as soon as my eyes met hers, the love was instanstaneous. Her tiny little hand grasped my finger and she fit so perfectly in my arms; at that very moment, nothing else in the world mattered.

I named her Mia Angelica. I wanted a name that was short and sweet but exuded confidence and strong will. After seeing the world renowned soccer player, Mia Hamm, on T.V. I knew that was the name I wanted.

When we brought her home from the hospital, she had what seemed like, a never-ending bout with colic. There were many sleepless nights and endless tears (and that was just me). I thought I was supposed to have one of those "perfect" babies that you see on T.V.- you know, those shiny, smiley babies that never cry. I was in for such a rude awakening. She hated sleeping in her crib, always wanted to be held and insisted on falling asleep on my chest every time.

Mia hated to be away from me. I could not leave the room without her wailing like someone was pulling her toenails out one by one with a pair of rusty pliers. She always wanted to be carried and had to have me at arm's length at all times. I thought this phase would never end and that I would forever be joined at the hip with her.

But as time went on, she started to need me less and less...

She no longer needs me to kiss her goodbye when I drop her off at school in the morning (that just doesn't happen in 4th grade). She pours her own milk in her cereal bowl. She showers and gets ready for school by herself. When she talks with her best friend, Jade on the phone, she leaves the room. She doesn't need me to hold her hand anymore when crossing the street. She closes the bathroom door now and and can tie her own ponytail. She has her own opinions ...her own thoughts...her own dreams.What happened to that little hand that grabbed my finger so tightly 10 years ago?

All this time, she had been letting go; without me noticing, she slowly unleashed her grip from my finger and also...my life.

Independence replaced me.

As I sit here tonight watching her sleep, I can't help but feel sad. My little girl is growing up. Her little round face has metamorphasized overnight right in front of me. Her long bodyframe and her size 5 narrow feet show all the signs of a beauty in the making. I no longer see the chubby, fat toes of a toddler or a sticky mouth of a first grader.

I wipe away my "happy tears" and bend down to feel her cheek and kiss her forehead...

and out of nowhere...

she reaches for my finger

and holds tight...