Attack of the Panty Drawer

When you become a mom, practicality takes precedence over fabulosity. And this is quite evident when it comes to my underwear. I can't bear to throw away my most favorite, my most comfortable, underwear.

I will be the first to admit, I will hold on to a pair of panties for years until the elastic is ripping through and the material is almost transparent. It's sooo hard to let go. So I convince myself to just throw them back in my panty drawer and get rid of them later. From time to time, I will do my best to "clean out" my underwear drawer and this is when I start finding different types of panties and thongs and question why I never wear them...until I try them on:

-too tight

-pinches my gut in half

-rides up my buttcheeks

-squeezes my outter thigh fat

And you think I'd just get rid of 'em right??

Wrong.

I throw them back into my drawer so as not to hurt their panty feelings.

But this does give me a reason to go panty shopping.

Shopping for undergarments takes all day and it's excrutiating; kinda like standing in line at the DMV or getting your wisdom tooth pulled.

First stop: Victoria's Secret.

I ask myself what the hell am I doing in here? I browse around amongst all the 16 year olds shopping for push-up bras and lace thongs. I really don't like the way Victoria's Secret panties feel... I don't care what you call them: V-string, Brazilian cut, Very Sexy..they are all very uncomfortable. The elastic digs into my muffin top and keeps riding up my butt. They're made for women who are about 60lbs with no curves and no ass. Why don't I look like the model in the pic when I wear these panties?

I end up leaving with lipgloss and body spray.

Next stop: Fredericks of Hollywood.

Again, I ask myself what the hell am I doing here? I walk around the store and every picture seems to have a woman posing with one finger between her painted lips and every pair of panties looked like they'd be painful to wear. With names like "Naughty Knickers" and "Hollywood Exxtreme", you'd think I was getting prepped for a porn scene with Ron Jeremy. "Cotton" is a foreign word; leather, lace and crotchless? Then you're speaking their language.

I leave with mints shaped like lips and a pink hair tie.

Final Stop: Macy's.

I decide to forgo the sexy undies and stick to what makes me the happiest~ cute, cotton, bikini Jockey brand panties in the 3-pack. Very unsexy, but practical and oh-so-comfortable-- like me! And they're on sale! Woo-hoo! I'll take two! I merrily skip out of the store with my plastic white bag.

I've come to realize that my panties don't define me. I'm the sexy one, not my underwear. Nothing is sexier than a woman comfortable in her own skin and confident in who she is.

These are the moments that matter.

So bring on the ugly, high-waisted grandma panties..I'll rock those and still be stunning!

(..and then they'll join the rest of the panty posse in the back of my drawer.)