To All the "Other" Women

A few years ago, someone very near & dear to me experienced what could be one of the most life challenging moments a person could ever endure: after 20 years, her husband left her for another women….and married her.

There are never any words that can help ease the pain of the situation. Yeah, I can call him every name in the book, talk about how idiotic & self-centered he is, question his sanity..etc. But I'm going to take a moment and reflect on the decisions that "the other woman" makes when she decides to get involved with a married man…..

 

An Open Letter to all the "Other Women":

 

The world is full of men. The world is full of a lot of single men. What is the attraction of getting involved with a married man? Some might say that you're insecure and don't feel that you're worthy of getting anyone better than someone who is already attached. Is that true? Did your daddy not love you enough? Did you not get the attention from your father that you so desired as a girl growing up? Was mom out whoring around the trailer park with every Tom & Billy Joe Jim Bob? Are you so hurt from your own family's dysfunction that you want others to share in your misery?

 

Desperation comes to mind when I think of you. Were you really so desperate for a man that it didn't really matter that you were taking someone else's? I am sure that it doesn't bother you that his wife and 5 year old son are paying the price for your happiness. I'm sure it doesn't bother you to know that he gives his wife only $200 a month for food & necessities to support their child that she is now raising alone..just so he can afford to buy you the new Coach bag you've been wanting

It baffles me to think why you would want to be involved with a man, who 8 years ago, stood in the presence of his family and friends and swore before God that he would be faithful to his wife. How can you spend time with a man that can't be trusted? Do you think that you're so special that he would never lie to you?

 

Oh.

 

But Wait. I forgot.

 

You're different.

 

With you, he's a different man. With you, he is a gentleman that makes you feel like a queen and spoils you with diamonds and fancy dinners. You love him the way he needs to be loved. You understand him. He treats your 5 year old daughter like his own. He promises you the world and romances you with wine and flowers. He listens attentively to your dreams and ambitions.

 

You're different.

 

You don't f**k. You make love. He makes you feel special and you do things in bed with him that his wife couldn't compete with…(or at least that is what he tells you.) 

 

You're different.

 

He'd never leave you for another woman. Your body is addicting and leaves him wanting more. It's golden.

You're different.

 

I hate to break it to you, but your coochie is no better than hers, the waitress at Chili's or the whore on the corner selling it for profit. A man is going to screw anything with a hole.

 

But, oh yeah—you're different.

 

You've never met his wife, but you've affected her life more than you'll ever know.

I know one day that you'll end up being the "other woman". And believe it or not… I don't think his wife should hate you. All she can do is pray for you.

 

Just remember that what goes around comes around and it's your turn next.

 

Here's to you getting what you so richly deserve...

So.. I was cracking up as I came across this particular piece of my work. It was written a few years ago after I watched a TiVo episode with Dr.Phil and Oprah. I could tell I was pretty heated after watching the show!

Enjoy!

The Center of the Universe

 

Last week I caught an episode of Oprah. It was about men who cheat. I thought to myself, ‘What’s else is new?’ The topic has been covered by every Dr.Phil, Maury, and Jerry Springer type show you can think of. But curiosity got the best of me and as my kids played out in the backyard, I sat and watched this particular episode.

The one thing that all these cheating men had in common was that their mistress made them feel “adored”.. made them feel like the center of the universe… gave them all their attention without any distraction… was there for them at every beck and call. A few even cried when telling their tales of deception. The mistresses were people like you and me. They were business women, waitresses, day care providers, Boy Scout den mothers, stay-at-home-moms, executives. They weren’t the beautiful ‘bombshell’ images we all have imbedded in our heads when we think of the ‘other woman’. As I listen to these selfish, men cry with their excuses, my blood begins to boil.

 

Adored? Center of the Universe? Attention starved? No distractions? Is that really why men cheat? Do these men even stop to think about the shoes their wives walk in from day to day? Do these men think about the different roles their wives play? They are mommies, chefs, dry cleaners, carpet cleaners, bankers, veterinarians, doctors, beauticians, teachers, counselors all rolled into one. I honestly don’t think they have an inkling of how tired and overwhelmed we really are. I found the men annoyingly amusing. I felt like grabbing each one of these guys by the balls and saying, “Listen Bucko, you try feeding and bathing the kids, cooking dinner, doing homework, doing the laundry and going to the office for eight hours a day and then be expected to throw on a thong and some lingerie and make me the center of your universe at the end of the day.” For every one of those men to conceptualize this would be a major feat. 

 

 For all you men who read my column, here are a few helpful hints if you want to be ADORED and the CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE:

Nothing is sexier than a man who helps around the house without being asked. Nothing is sexier than a man who helps with the laundry. (This doesn’t mean just throwing a load in the wash and watch the Packers play for the next 3 hours) Let me put in laymen’s terms what “Doing the Laundry” means.  Doing the laundry means separating the colors from the whites, transferring wet clothes to the dryer, folding them, placing them in a basket and then putting them away…without her asking. It doesn’t count if you let the clean clothes sit in the basket until the following Sunday. Sexy is cleaning up the kitchen after dinner…without her asking. Sexy is taking care of the kids and giving them their baths and putting them to sleep so your wife can catch her breath…without her asking. Sexy is letting your wife sleep in while you tend to the kids who wake up at the crack of dawn on Saturday…without her asking. Sexy is letting your wife use the restroom in peace while you keep your mommy-addicted-two-year-old busy with a puzzle…without her asking. Sexy is being the first the one to jump up when the two-year-old screams from the bathroom “Come wipe my butt!”…without her asking.

 

And you say you want to be ADORED?? Change a diaper… and don’t wait for your wife to ask (don’t act like you don’t smell the poop and let your toddler walk around until your wife smells it). **Sidenote: Changing ONE diaper doesn’t give you a hall pass to play golf all weekend.** Make the bed. Cook dinner once in awhile. Become interested in your wife’s day when she vents (this means actually turning your head AWAY from the T.V.). Nod and ask questions so she knows you’re paying attention. Avoid making fun of her bikini panties when doing the laundry calling them ‘grandma undies’ (not all women wear the fantasy lace and leather butt floss thongs all you men think we should wear). When your wife is on the phone, pry the screaming child off her poor, thigh. When Fido poops by the doorway, don’t walk past it and pretend you don’t see it so your wife will pick it up. When your wife is watching the Lifetime Channel, don’t sit there and sigh and roll your eyes. (Sometimes we need that escape when watching “A Lover’s Revenge”.) When your child wakes up and cries during the night, get up...don’t pretend you’re dead asleep and wait for your wife to get up. When making a sandwich, put everything away after you’re done—the excuse, “I thought you were going to use it” is getting old. After your shower, pick your wet towel off the floor. A hamper is not a decorative fixture for the bathroom. Clothes go IN the hamper, not on top or around. Replace the toilet paper when the roll is gone. Scrub your skid marks off the inside of the toilet bowl after you drop a messy load. Fill her car with gas. Plan a date with her and do all the work from finding a babysitter to picking the place to eat. 

DO all this and you’ll be ADORED and the CENTER OF HER UNIVERSE.

 

It’s not rocket science. There is no room for excuses. Cheating is unacceptable. Cheating is a selfish act. Stay plugged in and stay hooked up in your marriage. You need to be either 100 percent there or 100% gone. A good husband will contribute to the emotional, spiritual, physical and mental well-being of his family.

 

Marriage is not a 50/50 partnership. It’s a 100/100 partnership.

 

You get what you give.