She Had Dumps Like a Truck...

“She had dumps like a truck, truck, truck

Thighs like what, what, what

All night long….Let me see that thong…”
---Sisqo, Thong Song

I want a dumps like a truck and thighs like what.

I want a “thong-worthy” ass.

First of all, I wasn’t born with a nice firm, booty. Being Asian/Mexican, you think my chances of getting a nice, round full ass were in my favor.

*SIGH*

Unfortunately, God decided to give me the Asian, barely there, booty and the Latina hips and thighs…damnit! I wish we could reverse the two! I’d love to have no hips and thighs with a delicious ba-donk-a-donk.

And these thighs…are you kidding me?

It didn’t help that I started gymnastics at an early age. That just added to the bulk of these stems. And guess what happens when you grow up and stop your gymnastics workout? Yup…those thighs become jell-o. Then the weight fluctuations come and go and that’s when the lovely cellulite decides to set up camp starting from your inner thighs and slowly take over the rest of the outer thigh campsite. But the Cellulite family gets lonely, so they invite over the Stretch Marks. The Stretch Marks are a busy bunch. They love to hang out on the hips and stomach. They love to make long, lovely roads from your stomach to your belly button. They’re a committed family and will be with you ‘til the day you die. Comforting, right?

When guys started to refer to my junk as appealingly “thick” instead of fat, I started to think twice about rejecting my body. If you can’t have what you want, then work with what you got, right?

And so I did that.

I am no ass shaking, video chick by any stretch of the imagination (although that would be an awesome side job to be with rappers making it rain with the benjamins), but I look at these beautiful women (well, most of them are beautiful) with toned, thunder thighs and booties in these videos and I think, “what am I complaining about?” These women capitalize off their curves! I need to start embracing my thickness…

I took charge. My workouts, my cardio…all these have done wonders for my thighs AND my ass. I’m not in perfect shape, but I’m doing my best to mold, and stretch and tone out these problem areas. My thighs don’t even rub together anymore…now that’s an accomplishment in itself! Is my body in the condition I want it to be in?

Nope.

But I’m getting there.

Dumps like a truck? Not yet

Thighs like what? Not yet

Embracing and accepting my thickness….I’m there.

(I’ll let you know when I can crack a walnut with my ass cheeks)

Booty Pop

Call me gullible.

I just had to order them.

I want a Kim Kardashian ass.

I don't want to pay $11,000 for an ass implant, but I will pay $20 for a pair of panties that give me that "lift" I need.

Yes, I gave in and ordered the BOOTY POP undies.

You're probably wondering WTF?

Let me give you a quick recap on how this went down....

My friend Jaclyn McGill, always complained about not having a butt. She is 5'9, 110lbs and beautiful, but always complained about not having enough junk in her trunk. Recently we had lunch together with some friends and she spoke about how she received BOOTY POP as a gift. At first, I didn't know what she was referring to...a candy? A music video? A porno?

After our lunch I went back to the office and googled Booty Pop and I was pleasantly surprised to see a cute pair of panties with shapely butt padding! So..I didn't stop there. I am a researcher at heart and continued to delve deeper into reviews on this product. Everything came back positive. Then I saw a video clip of the women on The View talk about it and Kelly Ripa try it out. (Ok, Kelly Ripa is what sold me on it). I logged onto bootypop.com and watched the infomercial. The girls looked amazing in jeans wearing booty pop. I wanted to look like that! No amount of working out and doing lunges is gonna give me an ass like that!

So I'm cheating. I'm buying a pair. And the best part, I get one free!

Don't get me wrong, I don't hate my ass. I come from an Asian/Latino background. Unfortunately, I was blessed with the Asian ass, which means it's pretty much non-existent. No offense to my mother, but I would've much rather had the Latina ass in exchange for the thighs and hips. I do have a "bump"...just not a nice, plump one; a biteable one..a la Kim K. I want a video chick ass like the ones you see in rap videos. I want the ass that "...swallows up a g-string..." (ok, ok..maybe not THAT big).

I'll let you know how they work out.

If worse comes to worse, I can always use them as padding when I take up snowboarding....